The former Liverpool defender and now Sky pundit is calling for an intervention after Liverpool’s loss to Leicester city. The lion share of blame of the 3-1 loss to the Foxes has fallen mostly on the shoulders of Liverpool goalkeeper Allison Becker. “I think I talk for everyone when I say da-actual-fuq is this lad […]
Ole offers to share Premiership Title with Pep
“Let’s stop fart-arseing about and just call it a draw!” a lofty Ole Gunnar Solskjaer told the African Football Expert, extending out an offer to arch rivals Manchester City. Nine Nil The offer comes off the back of Manchester United administering 9-0 drumming of a now shell shocked Southampton team. “We showed how we can […]
We Settle this like Gentlemen!
A disheartened Romelu Lukaku is not happy after losing his temper with Zlatan Ibrahimovic during Inter’s Coppa Italia quarter-final against AC Milan. Fight to the Death “He said somethings, I said somethings, I am tired of smack talk, let’s settle this like gentlemen!” Lukaku told the African Football Expert. “We duel! None of this round […]
60% of the Time it Works, Every Time
Odion Ighalo has announced his departure from Manchester United. The Nigerian Prince and veteran striker quickly became a cult hero at the club and has mentioned although it is sad to leave he must get back to his perfume business, Sex Panther. It smells like Big foot’s dick? “Yes! There are a lot of funny […]
Thomas “Forrest” Partey: does a runner
Arsenal’s marquee signing during the summer transfer window, Thomas Partey has come under scrutiny for running off the pitch in the middle of the frantic match against bitter rivals Tottenham Hotspur. Partey ran off the pitch, and sprinted down the tunnel, and out of the stadium. He was last seen running up the M6, heading […]
Poch Getting Restless at Manchester Holiday Inn
“All this waiting is getting on my tetas, I am going to need nipple cream soon.”, Mauricio Pochettino told the African Football Expert. The ex Tottenham manager has been set on tilt after hearing the Manchester United chairman Ed Woodward is backing Ole Gunnar Solkjaer. This comes despite being strongly linked to Manchester United for […]
Virgil van Dijk Offers his Good Knee for Joe Gomez Surgery
Liverpool defender Joe Gomez will have to undergo knee surgery after things went pear shaped during an England training session. Virgil van Dijk, his fellow Liverpool center-back, suffered a similar fate a few weeks ago to a blatant life ending tackle from their Merseyside rivals. “I Offer Myself as Tribute” “I offer myself as tribute”, […]
Suarez Stuck in VAR Inception
“It’s been a long week, I have cried a lot… most of the time the same cry”, Suarez told the African Football Expert. Lokomotiv Moscow Mule Last week Atletico Madrid drew one-one to a stubborn Lokomotiv Moscow in the Champions League. A match where Luis Suarez was shown a yellow card for trying to get […]
Pep Can’t Get Out of 13th
Manchester City’s season has not started off well, the English juggernaut has failed to push into the top 10, let alone the top 3. Sticky Staka Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola has been nervously chipper about the recent form and told the African Football Expert, “We use to play tiki-taka football, it was so sexy! […]
Son called back to Complete Military Training
Tottenham star Son Heung-min has been called back to complete his Military service in South Korea. Son formerly received an exemption allowing him to fast track a 2 year mandatory service after winning gold at the 2018 Asian Games in Indonesia. South Korea, chuffed by this result, allowed Son to complete his training in 3 […]