Thomas “Forrest” Partey: does a runner

Arsenal’s marquee signing during the summer transfer window, Thomas Partey has come under scrutiny for running off the pitch in the middle of the frantic match against bitter rivals Tottenham Hotspur.

Partey ran off the pitch, and sprinted down the tunnel, and out of the stadium. He was last seen running up the M6, heading north towards Scotland.

He Just Kept Running

To everyone’s surprise though, Mikel conceded that it was bound to happen. Mikel Arteta explains “To get Thomas use to speaking English, he was encouraged to watch American movies. “He becomes fascinated by one movie in particular, Forrest Gump.” Said Mikel. “During any free time that he had, he put the movie on repeat”

“Unfortunately, the movie seemed to have had an adverse effect on Thomas, who insist his teammates call him Forrest, and would talk with Mississippi accent” said club captain Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. “He even started calling me Bubba!” continued Aubameyang. “And don’t get him started on shrimp!” he said bemused.

A Box of Chocolates

Manager Arteta concluded “Partey would be back playing for the Gooners in the next few weeks, as even he did get the Scottish border, he would not be able to get through it without a passport.”

Arteta’s final statement to the media on the subject was “Life is like a box of chocolates, it’s expensive, you don’t like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still won’t have sex with you!”