Cavani set to put on Bull Fighting Display with New Teammates

Manchester United is delighted to announce the signing of striker Edinson Cavani. The Uruguay international joins hopes to win over the crowd and get a troubled Manchester United back to winning ways.

Cavani wants to set things off on the right foot by showcasing why they call him the El Matador! He has thrown down the challenge to Harry Maguire and Victor Lindelof, to spar with him in a bull fight.

Bull Fight at the Theater of Dreams

While there will be no actual bulls at the Manchester stadium, the plan is for United’s two center backs to charge at Cavani like raging bulls to get the ball off of him. We caught up with the prolific striker, “I’m so happy to be here, this is a dream come true. I have always wanted to wear red!”

Cavani continued to tell the African Football Expert, “I want this Manchester United defence to come at me the one and only El Matador! But real hard! Especially Harry, he is heavy footed, clumsy like a baby horse and turns like motorhome at Coachella.”

While the new striker assured us his intention is not to embarrass or show his teammates up, he merely wants to show the world what he can do against a 80 million pound defender.

Seeing Red

Harry Maguire has replied to the challenge, “Is this bloke Greek? He looks Greek? Listen I don’t want to get into trouble again, but if this guy wants to start shit, Imma headbutt him the fuck out!”

The Iceman Victor Lindelof was a bit more civil and told the African Football Expert, “I think it will be fun, I am a bit worried for Harry, he is on edge lately with all the court stuff, although I don’t think tackling his own teammates is foreign to him, so it will be a good showcase!”


“Is this bloke Greek? He looks Greek?” – HM