Suarez fails driving test

The unsettled Barcelona forward has seen better days. Wanting away from the Nou Camp, sources have revealed Suarez was not allowed in Italy after being accused of cheating on an immigration test.

It seems things went from bad to worse when the Uruguayan striker tried to renew his driving license this week and failed. While we were unable to get hold of Luis Suarez to comment, we caught up with his agent.

Suarez’s Agent

Pere Guardiola, Suarez’s agent told the African Football Expert, “This is a difficult time for Suarez, he has been crying a lot… so he doesn’t want to talk.  To fail two tests back to back, is not easy… in his defence there was a lot of rain on the day, he lost control on the emergency brake test a flew through into someones home. This is football, anything can happen. Luckily no one was hurt.”

Driving Teacher

We were also able to catch up with the teacher conducting the test, Señor Alvarez who gave a detailed statement, “Jesus Christ! I am still having nightmares! First off! He insisted bringing his Audi R6 for the test, we don’t normally allow this but he is very famous and my son is a big fan. Secondly he seemed a little off, swearing in Italian I think? So for me I wasn’t sure how to handle him. I was excited but also nervous. So.. we are coming into the testing station, everything seems OK. Then all hell breaks loose…”

Alvarez continued, “I tell him to get up to a good speed then slam on the brakes without skiing the tires. This maniac got up to a high speed, my lunch and stomach was in the back seat. Then when he switched feet to slam on the brakes, he slammed down so fucking hard with his trusty left foot, but it lands on the accelerator again, I think this triggered sports mode? We flew through the stations picket fence, skied across the road and into a nearby family home.”

Shook Alvarez concluded, “I screamed for my life and Luis… he was biting the steering wheel to hang on…next thing there was a huge smash! The airbags exploded! Pressed against my eyeballs and in my nostrils, it was hard to fight my way out. After we got out and the dust settled, I had to deliver the bad news… that he skied an inappropriate amount and that he failed. This was not too easy convincing him… he kept mentioning he just come from Italy and the pedals are the other way, I am not too sure about this? I have never been to Italy? But rules are rules…”

The traffic department has stated Suarez will need to wait a few more weeks to take the test again. We are hoping Luis Suarez finds his new club soon, a string of bad luck lately. Only time will tell where he lands up.

“We are coming into the testing station, everything seems OK. Then all hell breaks loose…” – Señor Alvarez