Schmeichel Retires after going Blind

Danish goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel has decided to hang up his gloves.

This comes after suffering a 2-1 defeat and freak blinding in the Euro Cup semi final match England vs Denmark.

The Danes unluckily conceded a 104th minute goal after a dubious penalty call in England’s favour.

To make matters worse, Kapser was the victim of a green laser pointer, which burnt the shit out of his retinas and ultimately has led to an early retirement.

Deep Burn

We caught up with Kasper after the match to get his account of the semi final disaster.

“The last thing I remember seeing is Harry drooling and then blasting the ball from the spot. Naturally I saved it because I am the fucking tits!”, Kasper explained.

“Then Green Flash! All I can see is neon GREEN!?”

“My instincts kicked in, I could still hear Harry panting, naturally I dived again to try save the follow up strike but I couldn’t see shit!”

“My blindness was confirmed in the locker room moments later, that’s a long story!”

“Let’s just say a lot of confusion, someone may have accidently took a shit in a container of Danish biscuits, next thing there is a lot of shouting, someone crying and my team mates showering someone’s shitty bum. Not something someone wants to relive that’s for sure!”


“Not all is lost though, I met my service dog Rufus, he is a good pup, small… but good”, Kasper told the African Football Expert.

“At first I was super pissed off, I wanted a Great Dane for a dog, you know it makes sense, Great Dane kinda family”

“But yeah… this is me now, me and small Rufus, I got Rufus to text the gaffer so we can join pre-season training with Leicester in a few weeks”

“Turns out the idiot texted off a TV remote? If this carries on I’m putting this doggy in the transfer window!”