Cristiano Ronaldo’s creators have taken the opportunity to upgrade the Juventus star during a mandatory quarantine. Dieter von Rossbach, chief creator and engineer at Skynet has told the African Football Expert, “If you think CR9 was good, you all about to shit your panties!” CR-7 Modest Beginnings Dieter took us down memory lane and explained […]
Meet Paul Merson’s Fifa 21 God Squad
EA Sport’s new edition of the biggest football simulation series, FIFA, has been available for the past few weeks now. While some hardcore gamers have chosen to grind out rewards and build their Road To Glory teams on FIFA 21 Ultimate Team. There are some who choose the quicker route, by pumping loads of hard […]
Aguero to take Etiquette Classes after Vulcan Nerve Pinch
Sergio Aguero has come under the spotlight recently after an incident with a female official. The Manchester City striker was unhappy with an offside decision and tried to make it known with ill timed Vulcan Nerve Pinch. Not Related to Incident Pep Guardiola has told the African Football Expert, “I want him to go to […]
Ole Highly Concerned over Maguire’s Perfect Fitness
Manchester United manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has expressed concerns over Harry Maguire’s impeccable fitness levels, saying if he keeps fit, it will cost the Red Devils [Manchester United] dearly this season. Sixes and Sevens Ole told the African Expert, “He is as fit as a fucken fiddle! And it grates me raw! It could land […]
Pickford Lands Everton Cap’n Crunch Sponsorship After Bad Tackle
Liverpool defender Virgil van Dijk was on the receiving end of a horrific tackle made by Everton goalkeeper, Jordan Pickford, during Saturday’s Merseyside derby. Pickford has unapologetically apologized for the incident and may have inadvertently landed himself a lucrative sponsorship with a famous cereal brand. Sorry Not Sorry Pickford told the African Football Expert, “Sorry… […]
Project Big Picture Explained
Project Big Picture may change the face of football as we know it if some proposals are signed off. The big six Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham have all called the plans a crock of shit. Project Big Picture Proposals With all the confusion in the air and what it actually […]
Jack Grealish labelled Too Good Looking for England Team
England manager Gareth Southgate has labelled Aston Villa sensation Jack Grealish too good looking for the England team. This comes after Jack Grealish was left out of the England team against arguably the world’s current best team, Belgium. Too sexy “I get this question a lot, why is Jack not in the team nonsense”, Southgate […]
Cavani set to put on Bull Fighting Display with New Teammates
Manchester United is delighted to announce the signing of striker Edinson Cavani. The Uruguay international joins hopes to win over the crowd and get a troubled Manchester United back to winning ways. Cavani wants to set things off on the right foot by showcasing why they call him the El Matador! He has thrown down […]
Gunnersaurus Blows Annual Salary at Casino
The Arsenal team’s mascot, Gunnersaurus, has been in the news a lot lately. A few days ago “Gunny” was giving his marching orders by Arsenal after 27 years of service. Saddened by the news, Mesut Ozil, a player and cult hero at the club offered to pay the big green guy’s wages for a year. […]
Evra Checks Into Pleasantville
Ever-positive Evra has had the life and colour drained from him after Man United’s 6-1 battering by a relentless Spurs side over the weekend. Saddened, raged and on the verge of tears Evra announced he would be leaving for Pleasantville to try find colour again. Departure note Before the Manchester United legend left for the […]