Manchester United manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has expressed concerns over Harry Maguire’s impeccable fitness levels, saying if he keeps fit, it will cost the Red Devils [Manchester United] dearly this season.
Sixes and Sevens
Ole told the African Expert, “He is as fit as a fucken fiddle! And it grates me raw! It could land up costing us the season…”
When asked why he thought it would be so costly, Ole continued, “Come on you daft twat! Have you seen him out there, he is a walking liability, sure he scored in our last win, but he is sixes and sevens at the back 80% of the time every time!”
Solskjaer pinching the bridge of his nose and with a deep breath concluded, “Let me put it to you this way, I would rather give Jesse the keys to my car or let Giggs take my wife to a seafood dinner than have Slab Head [Maguire] in our backline too often.”
Powdered Cream Donuts
We caught up with Eric Bailly, the Ivorian Manchester United center-back, “We train hard! Especially Slabby [Maguire], ever since that shit went down in Greece, he is getting prison fit! He has me spotting him on the bench press.”
When asked about Ole’s opinion on Harry, “No! Not at all! Ole is a good man, he want’s the best for all his players. He brings us powdered donuts after each practice, he even has extra cream for Slabby, so I would say that he is one of the favourites.”
“He is as fit as a fucken fiddle! And it grates me raw! It could land up costing us the season…” – O.S
