Manchester United in talks with Rugby Lock Eben Etzebeth

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has slammed the new “rough” interpretation of Premier League rules.

This comes after a contentious 1-1 draw against Southampton.

The Red Devils feel Southampton’s goal should not have stood due to a rough body-check moments before, on playmaker Bruno Fernandes.

Outraged Ole

“This is not rugby for fuck sakes?! Diving maybe! But definitly not Rugby?!”, a perturbed Ole told the African Football Expert.

“I have brought this up to the FA and they have flat out ignored me?!”

“If they wanna play that game! All good, we will adapt to the rules, ohh we will adapt alright…”

“Let’s just say we are in talks with a 6 foot 9, 19 stone rugby monster from South Africa, named Eben. Remember the name!”, laughed Ole.

“His soul purpose will be to protect and smash!”

Eben Etzebeth – Springbok lock

Sir Alex Comments

“I saw the tackle on Bruno, the lad could have been killed”, Sir Alex explained.

“Right now our focus is to come to an agreement with the Springboks before the transfer window closes.”

“Eben is the missing piece in our formation, to be honest it’s way too dangerous out there without him.”